Time moves on

Time does move on, but I still think about Kai constantly.  People always say that things will get better.  Certainly, I am not crying every minute of every day, but the pain in our hearts is still there.  Things aren’t better, we just are forced to think about other things.  I guess I just don’t like the saying “things will get better.”  Better would be my dog back in our lives for another 8 years with his health.

Kai seemed to be the heart of the pack.  Anna, our Siberian Husky and Elli, our female German Shepherd just seem so much more subdued.  The house is quieter.  Our ever alert boy is no longer here to get the masses riled up to protect our house from squirrels, dogs and bunnies.  He is no longer grabbing a toy to play with and bringing in the other dogs for a bit of a chase and tug of war.  It is strange that our cat, Jester, is the loudest animal in the house now.

We have had a few beautiful days with temperatures in the 60s.  The snowy icy mess outside is disappearing.  Spring will be here soon and while I am relieved, there is a sadness to it all as Kai loved to be outside sitting in the sun.  Each day I am outside walking with Elli or Anna I think to myself, “Kai would love today.”

The picture above is of Kai in April 2002 when he joined our family.  He was learning to use the stairs for the first time and needed to be coaxed a bit.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Tim
    Feb 21, 2011 @ 04:17:15

    Beautiful and well-worded.

    With any loss of a loved family member, especially one you chose to have in your life, “it gets better,” is another person’s failed attempt to try to help you feel better or believe you will be the same some day as you were before the loss. It is more accurate to say, “Life goes forward.” It’s not as comforting and is of little solace to hear, frankly. I guess my experience with loss (and this is so different for everyone) is that you learn to take steps forward, day-by-day carrying the memory of a lost loved one with you. When you can function well and move forward, while maintaining the memory of a loved one, it’s confused with “it gets better” because others see you functioning normally and they want to believe you’re over it. You never get over it. The greatest homage you can give to that loss is to always remember that living love you were able to have that for as long as you did — that you are a changed person for the experience and your walk forward is now different because of it.

    Sadness and melancholy are normal, complex and very much a part of how we express ourselves at various points in time. My heart is heavy to read your sadness and reflection and at the same time a reminder of the temporariness of this life and all we have in it. We are stewards of molecules that shape our perception of this life and so often the choices we make in our interactions as we go forward in life.

    I think about Kai too and the visit Natalie had with him. What an amazing animal he was.

    big hugs from Elmo-town.


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